After day 20 passed my nutrition went downhill… I mean I was still determined to workout and continue my progress but my mental state was not all there.
I got a wave of depression, I call them waves because it usually last a few weeks where I am really down and hard on myself, not motivated and just want to eat junk food all the time. The depression hit hard this time and made it difficult to even have the motivation to workout. I wanted to give up all together on everything, even life. What helped me continue working on my fitness journey, even though my nutrition was shit, was the amazing women I had to keep me accountable! My team and mentor kept me going, my mentor encouraged me and kept telling me how much potential she saw in me even when I couldn’t see it myself. She kept telling it was okay to open up to the team about how I was feeling but I was too scared, I was scared of judgement and yet here I am opening up to all of you. I know I suffer from depression and some people don’t realize what that means.
Quick 101 on MY Depression
When my depression hit, like I said earlier, they come in waves. When a wave comes it hits hard and fast, I immediately start feeling useless, unmotivated, fatigued, sad, I cry a lot, and love to eat junk food more than usual (meaning that is all I eat, no real food). Feeling useless while being depressed means no matter what you do it is never enough, like you can’t and won’t make a difference. Feeling unmotivated is just wanting to stay in bed all day and be alone, not wanting others around, not wanting to do anything with anyone or be on social media or even interact or talk to people. Feeling fatigued is wanting to sleep all day no matter how much sleep you got the night before, not having energy to even leave your bed. Being sad and crying a lot just comes with depression and you usually have no idea why it started or what triggered it, it just comes out of nowhere. The junk food, I think, comes from the fact that I am an emotional eater and I love to eat my emotions away especially when I am sad. Hence why my nutrition was bad, so let us move on to that.
Day 20 Nutrition
I was doing so good with my nutrition and eating right but still indulging in the yummy foods that we all take pleasure in eating, but things changed. Once my mindset changed and I became depressed my eating habits changed. Which made me even more disappointed in myself. I was eating bad, working out, and I wasn’t losing any weight. I felt like I was gaining weight or at a stand still, but I had no one to blame but myself. I started to lose hope and didn’t want to eat right. However, when I did have some motivation I would cook healthy, but those days were becoming rare.
What Helped Me?
My mentor was there for me even when I didn’t realize I needed someone. During this wave she messaged me and asked how I was doing. I felt like she read my mind and knew I needed guidance. After talking to her and keeping in touch she gave me the strength to continue and push forward. I love her for being there for me and always seeing the potential in me even when I see none. She always sees the best in others and it inspires me to want to be like her. I owe her so much for keeping me on my toes and giving me the love and guidance I need.
How it all went…
After all the emotional roller coasters and my mental state taking a beating things were hard. I won’t lie, I wanted to quit and say I’m done! But my mentor encouraged me to keep pushing and made me realized I’ve gotten so far. I have loved every minute of it and it has showed me so much of myself, gave me so much of what I didn’t know I needed. In the end by day 40 my progress was little to none when it came to my weight and how much I lost, but it taught me so much more. I learned I am stronger with the right support. I can get through anything and I am NOT ALONE! We are NEVER alone! I have people that love me and are here to help me. I learned how much I truly love myself and how strong I really am. I finally saw the strength in me that everyone always tells me is there.
Lovely's World 