I had a planned mini vacation in California, so after I hit 50 workouts my vacation was coming up fast. With my mental state not being all there it was hard for me to get things together but I did my best. I had also started considering moving back to California, but only to myself since I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted and what was best for my son and I.
Flying Over
The day of our flight we ended up waiting in the airport for 8 hrs. until we could board our flight. That happened since I had no ride to the airport except a very early one. However, me being me I made a friend and it helped the time go by faster. My son fell asleep during the wait and even though I was tired I stayed up to make sure everything was all good.
By the time we got to the boarding area, it was 3 am and I was exhausted. Nothing seemed to be working and my son was awake. We boarded the plane at 5am and we were off to California. This whole time my nutrition was no good since I snacked the whole time and I had no plans to workout the next day after I landed. I was setting myself up for failure, but at the same time I felt as though I needed a break. I felt like I needed some me time away from healthy eating and working out daily.
10 Days of ‘Me Time’
Once we landed my son went with his dad for the duration of our vacation. I got the alone time I needed to figure out what was going on with me mentally. I felt as though my heart wasn’t in what I was doing anymore, my mind was depressed and I was in a slump. I had a phone call with my mentor and explained to her how I was feeling, she told me to take a step back and reevaluate myself. To really look at all sides and the bigger picture. She told me to take some time to myself and it will all fall into place. I listened but was still unsure if I could figure it all out. After talking with my best friends roommate about her yoga retreat experience and bouncing ideas off of her for a couple of days I felt like I knew what I needed to do.
I started to go on adventures and really capture myself again. I stopped working out completely and my nutrition was very poor, but I was happy trying to rediscover what I had lost. I didn’t know what I lost but I was excited to try and find it again. At this point I was really considering about moving back to California. I missed it more than I thought. I missed the beach being my sanctuary, my place that helped clear my head and put me at peace.
With all this time to myself I really got to dive deep and figure out why I was so depressed. Instead, I filled my days with doing things I had never done and taking adventures that filled my soul. I got to ride on a Harley for the first time and let me just say I feel like it is something everyone should try at least once! It was worth it and something to cross off my bucket list. However, I was still lost about what I was missing. So I did what any other 24 year old would do, go out with friends and get drunk lol
In the above picture, while taking it I felt fat and ugly. It was my first time really wearing a crop top out in public before. I had never done that before, nor had I ever bought one before. After working out, I liked it and bought it but I never wore it until that day. I went out with my best friend to go drinking and realized how good I felt in my own skin even though I had some doubts about leaving the apartment. I felt amazing and I felt like I looked amazing. I know I looked good since that night for the first time in my whole entire life a man tried to take me with him in his uber by grabbing my hand and saying lets go. Before I went out the door I found my friends and hid lol
After this adventure, I went to the beach in a bikini on a date. If you know me you would know I have never felt comfortable wearing a bikini showing so much skin especially in front of a guy that I like! I am so sad I don’t have pictures of this event, but trust me it did happen! I was just so in the moment. I even looked at myself in the mirror before leaving and realized how fucken amazing I looked. I realized how much I love my body for how strong and how much it has been through and yet it is still pushing me and holding me up. That moment of realization was what was missing, I lost that realization of how strong my body is and how much I love myself and body for everything it has been through. At that beach I felt like I was on a cloud, not because of a guy but for realizing I love my body and am proud to be in it no matter the shape or size. However, I do love to stay in shape as personal preference lol
That was my aha moment and I knew what I wanted. I wanted to be back in California at least for a year, to see where it would take me and how far I can make it on my own. I knew it would be hard and a struggle but I was determined to make it work and I still am. If I can have the moment of realization after just a little over 50 workouts imagine the endless results I can have after 100 workouts. I am determined more than ever to finish this program and see where I end up, how much happier and soul filling I will be. I am glad this program has made me question my life the way it has and I am grateful to be able to have this opportunity. It has changed my life for the better in only 50 workouts, I can’t wait to see what it can do after 100 workouts.
FYI: All pictures do not have any filters and they are all mine that I took with my phone.
Lovely's World 